School recap--I got an A in Physiology. Yay! I am pleased with the grade. Until the last unit, I did work really hard. But I got so burned out, and that last unit was really a bust. Still did well in the class, and pulled off a rockstar score in the lab, too. Too bad it might all be for naught, but more on that later.
I met one of my old co-workers for happy hour (HH) last night. I never do HHs. But I missed Jules, and HH worked the best for us, and so there you go. It was so good to see her. I miss her. It's funny--I didn't realize when I left my old job how much I'd miss my friends there. Despite my 500 jobs post-college, I never really got that close to anyone at any place I worked out (other than Patina, I guess). I miss my girls. I hope they're doing well.
I've been reading Kristin Armstrong's blog lately on runnersworld.com. I don't normally read her blog, but something (boredom?) has spurred me to read again. And it's been like a breath of fresh air in my blogging world. She's really done amazing things, and made such a name for herself. She's my hero.
Ok, ok, so why is physiology all for naught? Because I might not be doing nursing school anymore. In fact, I'm about 87.3% sure that I'm not doing it anymore, no matter what the decision letter from St. Kate's says. (And that letter could come this week, in fact.) I never feel like I explain it very well, but mostly, I just don't know that I'm 100% passionate about it anymore--if I ever was. And if I'm not 100%, why spend the $25,000 and 3.5 years? I thought it was probably just cold feet or being burned out on school, but now I don't know. My current circumstances aside, I really don't mind the cubicle anymore. I actually prefer the 8-5 life. I liked my old job, I found it interesting and challenging. I think I'd like to get back into that. I just don't know if the switch is worth it anymore. And what about helping people? Well, I'd still like to do that. But I'd rather be a yoga teacher and/or a running coach; help people discover exercise and do amazing things like 5Ks or marathons.
I loved my science classes, and I found all of them fascinating, especially biology. But I've been considering other things from the get-go--biology teacher, physical therapist, doctor, psychologist...I always come back to nursing because I tell myself that it's the easiest and cheapest to attain. Now *there's* a reason to put yourself through nursing school! (kidding, of course.) It was easy to keep moving forward when I was in school, and registering for classes, but now that decision time is actually here...I've really got to commit to this. And I'm just not sure that I want to.
Is it wrong to want to give up on school to focus on my running? *That's* what I'm passionate about. And yes, I'm fully aware that it'll never pay the bills, it's what I love to do. It's what I like to spend my free time doing. And I don't want to put it on hold for 3.5 years. I've got momentum, I've got goals...it sounds like I'm just making excuses, but I'm not. I guess I just plain don't want to do it anymore. And until I talked with Maia at the co-op, I didn't realize that that was ok. Now, I do.
Before I said that I had to at least try, that if I didn't at least try, I would always wonder...and I don't even feel that way anymore. I honestly feel like I can turn my back on this and be ok. Because I know that no matter what I choose, my job will never define me. I will always be me, with like, a million different interests. (I want a garden!) And that's just what life is. It's almost like, I'm ready to settle down. Lisa thinks it's because I just turned 29, and I think she might be right. I'm ready to just be. Get up, work, run, come home, and snuggle with Abe. Sounds like heaven to me.
Only an hour left until that blasted speedwork....
posted by Lola @ 3:56 PM
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